CULTURE: The Art of Small Talk

The Americans are small talk artists. If there were Olympic Games they would be coming in first without any training whereas we Germans would still not qualify no matter how many Small Talk 101 classes we took.

They are just naturally good at it. At the super market, at the line in front of rest rooms, even in the emergency room, they are able to start a conversation. "I really like your shoes. They are very pretty." - "Thank you. I try not to bleed on them."

As a German, the talent for small talk just isn't in my genes. Another reason might be that I thought everything I said had to be well-thought out and meaningful (and that's even more difficult if you have to say it in another language). As a result, my small talk was not just bad - it was non-existent.

I decided that is was time to work on my issue. My first attempt led me to the local book store where I browsed the self-help section. I found a promising title called "The Art of Mingling : Easy, Fun, and Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room" by Jeanne Martinet. I bought it and felt immediately happy: Obviously, I'm not alone with my problem - and then, the book was on sale, too. I couldn't wait to get home and reveal the secrets of the perfect small talk. I found quite some useful advice and thought I hit a gold-mine when the author suggested to use accents when feeling uncomfortable in a social situation. "That is it right there," I started to hope, "the solution to all my small talk problems!" Even after quite some time in the States I still haven't managed to get rid of my German accent - something that usually bothers me but now looked like it came in handy. Was I glad!

It was time to use my new found knowledge. The next time when I went to the gym, instead of just sneaking in and staying in the back of the class I was going to talk to someone. So, in my best German accent (since I was feeling a little bit uncomfortable) I said to the woman next to me, "I really like this class. The trainer is great." No reply. The woman tilted her had, frowned and gave me this astounded look as to say, "She really looks American but she sure doesn't sound it." Then, she turned to the guy next to us and asked, "What did she say?" And to me, "I'm sorry. I take it you are not from around here?" I was relieved that the class started at this moment.

I don't give up that easily so I was trying a different approach. I started scanning TV shows for usable small talk pieces, thus not only having the line but also getting a possible reaction to it. I found one of those dating shows to be an excellent provider. In one episode, the guy was building his own restaurant and invited the girl to have a look at it. As they walk through the rooms, the guy points to the bar and says, "This will be the bar area." - "So this is the bar," says the girl and the guy is smitten. Not only is the girl really pretty, she is also very smart - didn't she notice that there actually was a bar in the bar area?

Well, easy enough. I can do that, too. I knew that one of my American friends had bought a new PC. Next time when I was invited to his house I saw the computer, pointed at it and said, "So this is your new computer." But instead of acknowledging my smooth try to start up a conversation, he gave me a weird look and said, "No, it's my vacuum cleaner. What's wrong with you, SAPgirl? Of course, that's my new PC!!!!"

After these experiences I decided that I had to give it some time. Practice makes perfect and I started to put myself into situations where talking to people I didn't know was inevitable. I volunteered to paint houses, sold tickets at a local music festival, was 'beer babe' at the Party in the Park, took a CPR class - all the time hoping that I somehow become a better small talker. And I think all these hours of practice are finally starting to pay off. I'm still in training but was told recently that I have improved.

I'm only wondering what will happen when I use my American small talk skills in Germany. If I compliment anyone there on their shoes they'd probably think I have a shoe fetish, or that I would really like to have them. Their pair. And immediately. I will definitely get more weird looks.

I'll keep you posted.

Bis bald,
SAPgirl